A Disaster Like This

It starts
as an irritation, almost an itch
a burning, at the back of my head

What the fuck am I afraid of?

Before I know it
it’s a locomotive
building speed
out of control
everything in it’s path
don’t get in
it’s path

What the fuck am I afraid of?

I’m afraid
of what I’ll say and do
to you
I’m afraid
of you seeing me
like this
don’t look at me
like this

This is all
I’ve ever known
it is the first incision
the first drop of blood
the first fist
I cannot live with this fear and I fear
that it’s all there is
holding me together

I’m afraid
to open this fist
If what I’m holding onto
then what will I have

I’m afraid
you could never love me
like this

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